Nothing new in video gaming has captured my attention this past May, but I still wanted to highlight what I’ve been playing, as it was both an incredible experience and serendipitous timing. Back in December, I started a playthrough of CD Projekt Red’s The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt on Playstation 5, with the intent to platinum the absolutely enormous game, and May — the ten-year anniversary of the game’s release — was the month I had to finally finish the damn thing by completing its final DLC, Blood and Wine.
What an adventure; what a tale; what a beautifully woven tapestry of fantasy. Blood and Wine, for those that don’t know, takes place in Touissant, which boils down, distills, and then exaggerates nearly all aspects of medieval France. Where the main game is dark, Touissant is bright; where the main game is cold, Touissant is warm. The only thing that Touissant shares with the northern maps of Velen and Skellige is that there are monsters, and a professional is needed.

Enter Geralt of Rivia, the titular witcher and face of the franchise. Hot off of seeing his adoptive daughter save the world, Geralt is invited down to the sun-soaked vineyards and chivalric customs of Touissant by reigning duchess Ana-Henrietta. Murders have occurred, bloody, violent affairs that no man is capable of, and so the White Wolf is contracted to hunt the Beast of Beauclair.
Mystery, courtly intrigue, and the apparent-yet-existing contradictions of exaggerated chivalric virtues and intelligent beings’ penchant for cruelty and violence follow. The denizens of Touissant, for all their cultured manners and professed love of heroes, prove themselves just as likely to cheat, kill, and steal as any other on the Continent. It’s truly depressing to see the gilt veneer of this fantasy land be stripped away, yet the writing and scenario design are suffused with weapons’ grade charm that rarely appears in askance, regardless of if your current quest is a side quest or main quest. There was one side quest where a local crypt in the city was being haunted by horrible shrieks and sounds of violence, and the witcher is asked to settle the matter. Upon investigation, you find that two ghosts, a married couple, are arguing from beyond the grave about whose fault squandered their fortunes. The solution? Geralt moves one of their remains to a new, quieter area of the crypt. I chose to move the husband, and what I thought to be a final, bittersweet parting of the couple turned out to be the husband flipping the bird at his wife’s urn! Laughter followed me all throughout the crypt.
Now, it is no secret that The Witcher 3 is a good game. The reviews have been in for a decade, and the game is a certified banger. Think of this “review” more as a way for me to celebrate a game I have spent 160 hours on this playthrough alone. I already miss it and wait with bated breath for The Witcher 4. Remember, if you have a monster problem, call a professional.
The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt is available on all available consoles and PC.
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